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Loading ...A friend… an ex-friend of mine, Brian Fernandes, sent this to me tonight while I was sitting at my computer doing the internet.
First our conversation opens up with him sending me this picture:
and at first glance I think “That’s a big spider” then I think “… but who cares?”… I let it sink in a bit longer and then realized the spider was in a house some where, because of the molding around the corner of the wall there… my guess is a ceiling.
Then I realized that for someone to take a picture like this, they liked walked into a home or hotel for the first time and saw it… meaning this nest full of fuck was growing inside a building somewhere. Then I got the willies…
Brian then sent along a link to a comment from JFreezy left for the story that originally hosted the image above, and it was pretty funny:
I was in Zimbabwe Africa once (don’t ask why, it’s a long story) and the lodge we stayed in was freaking infested with spiders about that size! We spent about 3 hours going around our room killing them so we could sleep without worring about them eating our faces in the middle of the night. In the above comment, Spinksy was 100% correct about the death by flame method! We found one spider that was so huge, when I tried to smash it with a boot I only hit its leg and its LEG left a splatter mark in the wall!! JUST ITS LEG!! So we busted out the makeshift flamethrower (hairspray and lighter) and torched that sucker from 3 inches away. It dropped off the wall, ran like a spider out of hell under a couch! We all screamed like little girls as we watched the couch go up in flames! We put the couch out and found the body hanging from a spring inside the couch. That experience will be burned (no pun intended lol!) into my mind forever! Lesson learned: fire doesn’t solve everything LOL!
… are you freaking serious? Spiders so big he’s having concerns with how to crush them with his shoe?
At this point, I don’t just have the willies… I am more or less making a pool of gasoline around myself that I am prepared to light at the first sign of movement in the house (cats not withstanding).
Anyway, at this point our friendship is in shambles… I have the willies and hate Brian and he decides why not go for broke? So he follows up with this shining example of why mankind should make pocket-sized atomic bombs:
I think their nick names are “Camel Spider” or something, but they are essentially tailless whip scorpions, we even have them here in the states. I got this picture of one fighting and eating a normal scorpion at my parent’s house a few years ago:
and to top it all off, he finally sends me a movie of one of these things eating a lizard… yea… not a bug, or a butterfly… or a seed… or some lint… oh no, it was eating a lizard
So my plan so far is to simply avoid sleep tonight, and to stay up with my nightvision goggles on, watching the floor… and waiting.
Thanks Buddy!
Update #1: He just sent me this:
That, right there, is like being in an argument with a friend, and burning his house down to make amends…
Update #2: Jens Eckels just added this wonderful bit to the story… “Let’s not forget what happens when you get bitten by a spider (Brown Recluse)”:
Thanks buddy… <vomits bile all over desk and falls backwards out of chair>
Update #3: Looks like they found one of the world’s largest Golden Orb Weavers in Australia eating a freaking bird.
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January 31st, 2008 at 10:32 am
Riyad, I feel really bad about all this; I hope I can win you back with this: http://tinyurl.com/yups9e
January 31st, 2008 at 11:14 am
Hahah, omg… that is a spider eating a chicken… just the type of spider I’d like to meet in a dark alley
January 31st, 2008 at 11:37 am
o.m.g…
I decided to read the blog today while taking a quick break to eat lunch. BAD MOVE. I can hander spiders and even scorpions, but that last picture of the… hand… and a spider bite? Honestly, my gut was considering whether to purge the food I was in the process of eating.
Riyad, I think this is the end of our friendship.
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:43 am
That was NASTY!!!!!
May 24th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
ohkay black widows are not that big and are BLACK!
May 25th, 2008 at 8:24 am
Anonymous, those weren’t black widows… those are Space Death-Spiders!
Seriously, you probably wouldn’t want to argue with one.
June 9th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Oh Jesus! I’ll never f’ing sleep again!
June 10th, 2008 at 8:26 am
Matt, probably a good idea. I’d also encourage you to lay in bed, with your eyes open, holding a flame thrower if possible just incase…
July 17th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
mUns!!!!
July 30th, 2008 at 1:15 am
What kind of Tarantula is that huge brown one??
(2nd to last picture of the person holding it with two hands)
July 30th, 2008 at 1:17 am
please email me the answer to that question (about the brown tarantula).
July 30th, 2008 at 8:06 am
Jessica,
I’m not sure exactly the species, but I thought you might be asking because you wanted one.
I did a search for the more docile breeds of tarantula and came up with this:
(original link)
and then also found this link too for you: top 10 tarantulas
Hope that helps.
October 18th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
hahahaha that was funny as fk i sat ther pissin ma self wid laughter but dont do it 2 me cuz i wood sht ma self i am terrified of spiders
October 19th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
wardy94, glad you liked it
October 21st, 2008 at 12:52 pm
OH MY GOD… OH MY GOD… OH MY GOD…
OH
MY
GOD!
ARGH!
OH MY GOD!
SPIDERS! My worst nightmare! Oh no! First the chainsaw chainmail, and now this! I’ll never sleep again! EVER!
PS. You’ve got some very fruity language in there…
October 22nd, 2008 at 6:08 am
lol cute story, lol heres’s a little spider fact for you, the average human is no more than 7 feet from a spider at all times. I like spiders even thou at times they make my skin run away, I can’t help but fine them cute and a little funny looking. Have you seen an a jumping spider up close lol their short fat and fuzzy lol
October 22nd, 2008 at 6:47 am
…
October 22nd, 2008 at 6:48 am
OH MY GOD! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HELP ME!
SPIDERS ARE INVADING THE EARTH!
October 22nd, 2008 at 8:04 am
Recluse, totally agree about jumping spiders… not so sure about all the one ones though.
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:43 am
Eep…
Nice blog, srry about all the oh my godding there, just REALLY FREAKED.
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:14 am
NinjaNerd,
No problem, we understand. I can’t look at that thumb picture without wanting to pour acid all over it and scream my way around my house.
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:16 am
Me too, but I have no acid. Heck, i am 11. the best i can muster is an evil school – tie, lol.
Anyway, the GIANT spider at the top was the scariest, how the hell do they get that big?
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:57 pm
OMG!!! spiders….ahh….not my favorite thing…i wont be sleepin tonight….and ill be checking every corner of the house too…i cant even stand daddy long legs….u have a mean friend…he would be my ex friend too if he did that to me….ahh….all those little spiders and big one…i said hells to the no…spiders and snakes are horrible and shoudnt live!
October 22nd, 2008 at 2:43 pm
oh my christ… for everyone here that is scared of spiders, check out what they just found in Australia.
I’m officially living under my bed now.
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:29 pm
Eeeeeeeeeep!!!
October 24th, 2008 at 8:22 am
LOL to all the ahhh’s out there, spider arnt to bad not many go looking for humans, most people that have died or have found a ” killer” spider is by doing yard work or cleaning a room thats never used Grass spiders for one if notice run away from people and to top it off even if they do bite you at some point, 3 bites wont even kill you and hafe the time you dont even know they did it. one night i was in the bath i leand on the on the wall and 3 hours latter when i was out with friends i looked at me arm and went ” what the hell is that ?” lol it was a small bit mark a lil red buy other then that not to bad lol so i wish you all good luck with hideing under yourbeds and rolling in gas to keep safe lol
December 2nd, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Dont forget you eat 10 spiders a year.. and if you keep ur mouth closed while you sleep they will crawl up ur nose
December 2nd, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Urgh.
It’s seven spider in a lifetime…
December 3rd, 2008 at 7:40 am
thanks i had a feeling i put the wrong numbers down lol i always seem to do that with that fact myth lol ~^^~
December 3rd, 2008 at 7:59 am
After you get beyond eating *1*, it’s all just as terrible as the next.
December 5th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
That is gross!!!!!!!
December 5th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
killer bite! ouch thats gotta hert!!
December 9th, 2008 at 6:42 am
how could you possibly know the numbers of spider consumption? (its like that film perfect storm, when they tell the story of the fisherman onboard before it sinks, yet they all die so how did they know what happend lol)
Sounds like rubbish to me. please dont prove me wrong!!! friggen hate
spiders…might be nice on toast though.
December 16th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
meh they are just pictures to be honest you do even know if they are real or not so calm down although now im all ichy and feel like a have spiders all over me and i hate it on the average is 7foot per spider i looks around the hole room i was in and i didnt find any thank god >.>
December 16th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
the photos are very real,but are not what they appear.
I like the chicken scene,but would question whether the spider
is responsible for its demise.
the thumb pix may be real,but 100 brown recluse bites might not
do this much damage.
wouldn’t mind a couple of these for pets.
D.G. Ms entomology
February 7th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
i fell so sorry that that happend to u
March 11th, 2009 at 6:52 am
oh jeez…
I’m not afraid of spiders…just seriously creeped out by them. To the max. *shudders* I was looking for pictures of them to incorporate into a bust for art class – depicting a phobia – and stumbled across this. I have had shivers running down my spine for several minutes now. Must remember to thoroughly check my room for anything with 8 legs before I sleep tonight.
March 25th, 2009 at 11:40 am
The last pic is from the bite of a loxoceles… not that kind of spider. And the venom make the own body atactk itself. So… dont get so scared bout big spiders, some of the most venomous are not that big
April 10th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
ya know i can’t sleep after seeing this but just to tell y’all…i hate spiders…but i love snakes…lol kinda ironic
April 10th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
HOLY FUCKING ASS CRACKERS DID YOU ALL SEE THAT LAST ONE
April 21st, 2009 at 3:15 am
omg that is a big spider i have the creeps and i am scared arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
April 21st, 2009 at 1:28 pm
thats freaking scary. Spiders are my worst nightmare when i saw the last picture i screamed AHHHHHH!!!! Now im not going to sleep
May 7th, 2009 at 8:25 am
i came across this picture through google search, and at the first thought i was like ” gosh! look at all that dirt around it!!”… But i freaked when i saw that those were spiders too!! omg!! and i am S*** scared of spiders!!! and to think i was afraid of those small thin eight legged creatures. this is like my worst nightmare coming true!
May 7th, 2009 at 8:50 am
stef,
Totally agree… you have to burn your house down after something like this makes a nest in it
May 8th, 2009 at 11:30 am
Is anybody else having a “Harry Potter” movie flash back? Or how about “Eight Legged Freaks?”
This may be a horrific fact… Spiders have been on earth longer than humans… Maybe we were put on earth or we evelotioned on earth to be their food? Or worse, waht is POSSIBLY we are some how related to the insect. EEEEEEEeeeeeeeppppppppp!!!!!!!!!
May 13th, 2009 at 3:41 am
Fucking hell this scared me and made me laugh so hard I cried XD I’m so scared of spiders I scream and get someone else to come kill them. Funny fact, I used to light them on fire in my bathroom with nailpolish remover.. until one ran flaming over my sink into the bin beside the counter… Which caught fire >.>
I think if I ever saw that huge spider surrounded by those smaller ones, game over. I would blow up the house and then wander around til I died. /shudder
May 27th, 2009 at 2:03 am
argh i nearly died!!! *shiver*
im so freaked out now i feel like there are spiders crawling all over me!! I seriously wouldnt mind living in a bubble now!!
*throws up*
nightmares tonight!!
June 10th, 2009 at 8:03 am
If i saw that humongo f****** monster spider in my house or something, id die right there!!! lol i hate spiders im so f******* terrified of em! OMG that one gave me the shivers and i feel there are spiders on me!!!! ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
June 17th, 2009 at 10:40 am
ewwwwwwwwwwwwww
July 23rd, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Your right about the type of spider the soldier is holding in the 2nd picture. It’s called a Camel Spider, and a lot of soldiers in Iraq were bitten by them because they neglected to check their bedrolls before they went to sleep. They wouldn’t notice the bite, or the spider often-times feeding on them after biting, because the venom has a numbing agent in it that takes away the pain, while the other agents in it dissolve the tissue under the skin, essentially leaving a depression from the feast, if not a large hole (Atleast from what I was told by a few people). I wasn’t aware they were in North America though. Needless to say, I’ll never sleep under the covers again after seeing these pictures you have up. And yes, the vast majority of deadly spiders are no bigger than a half-dollar coin, if not a quarter. Black Widows for example, but I found and killed one (Smashed that little beasty good) while I was in California that was a bit larger than a half dollar, with leg-span included.
July 24th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Ryan,
You really can’t appreciate the amount of shakes you’ve given me with that story of the camel spider…
August 9th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
Umm yeah fuck that i hate spiders DX
August 19th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
ok, im gunna sleep with a 50cal. so i kno that its gunna die. [i hope]
nd if i miss, then i wil only have 3 walls and half a roof in my room, basicly saying to all spiders, “hey bring your friends and relatives, LETS HAVE AN ORGY!” then im stuck in my rom with crossbreed,incested spiders. up until i fly to russia and nuke my house. then i bet theres even bigger spiders in russia, so the U.S. army will detect the nuke from russia… and there you have it, spiders started WWIII
August 22nd, 2009 at 5:57 pm
omg those pictures were so disturbing.
August 23rd, 2009 at 9:44 am
im gonna have nightmares now….O.o
September 8th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Does anyone know what that first spider is, or is called?
September 17th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Ah! I was searching for pictures of spiders to see what kind is on my porch right now. I never thought I was this scared of spiders in my life. I used to love the, but I guess being a mommy changes everything I’m scared of everything now!!! That first one is horrible. I’m itchy all over from it, and now I’m getting ready to go out and kill the thing on my porch with a hairspray+fire torch!
September 17th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
It looks like nothing compared to these pictures though… hfahf so gross!
September 21st, 2009 at 8:33 am
Haha, Meghan don’t burn your house down — more importantly, don’t anger it…
Has anyone seen Arachnophobia after reading this post? I haven’t…
October 14th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIRST SPIDER WITH ALL ITS BABYS AND HOW BIG IS IT?