The “Break it Down” Blog

Ok… so I watch Lost. I know most people don’t, it’s sort of one of those “well kept secrets” that I know about. I’ll lend you the DVDs sometime.

Anyway, as a watcher of Lost, my passion for the show has gone something like this:

Season 1: OMG… this is so weird… I love it!

Season 2: Hmmm… more side stories… that don’t relate to anything… awesome.

Season 3: Holy shit Darma baby! We are finally going to get to the bottom of… oh wait… no we aren’t… just a season worth of events that create more questions.

Season 4: Sweet, finally going to hear the answers to Season 3 and th… hmmm nevermind again, just more episodes introducing more new characters and more out-of-this-world plot twists.

And I think I know how this happened… let me explain… or “Break it Down” as it were (LOL!!1!!111one):

1. The show was originally going to last 4 seasons. I know this because I’m fucking psychic.
2. After the first season, ABC had a money-boner but didn’t want to sign the writing team on for more seasons until they were sure it was a hit.
   • Reminder: Lost is the most expensive show to produce ever made.
3. Season 2 comes out, and even though it’s slow, viewership (also know as ‘viewershit’ in my network-television circle of myself, and my cats) was still up. ABC stays in a holding pattern… but tells the writers they will likely want to extend the show, so the writers cannot wrap up the story arc in Season 3.
4. Season 3 comes out, and responds to demands of viewers to “answer some motherfucking questions”, viewership goes up, more rave reviews for the series as Season 3 fake-answers like 2 questions while creating 111 more that drive people insane.
5. ABC is printing money with this show and have serious negotiations with writers.
   • Writers claim the show was only ever meant to be 4 seasons, ABC says “well just make it fucking confusing as hell for 2 extra seasons”, the writers agree while trying to sign the contract printed on $1000 bills while hookers flop all over them.
6. ABC announces that the show will continue for 3 more seasons, and end in 2010.
7. Fueled by hookers and cocaine, the writers stretch the original conclusionary (I made that word up with my letters-brain) Season 4 into 3 individual season.
   • Using detailed techniques of “Go fuck yourself” and “We will shit on your face, and you will like it” learned in Seasons 1 and 3, the Lost writers expand that single season into 3 by introducing a uncountable number of new characters who all have to have episode-stealing side-stories that play no part into explaining the main story arc.
8. The result is fed to us through a pressurized enema-machine in the form of: Season 4

The above outline is factually 100% accurate and has been cross-referenced and certified by the highest authorities on the matter***

*** The above statement is a complete fabrication

On a side note, I didn’t get into Lost until Season 3 had already gone onto DVD, and it was an enjoyable show to watch… simply popping in DVD after DVD. Waiting for Season 4, and watching 1 butt-fuckingingly frustrating episode after another with nothing but hooks and no answers each week is not fun… I’d almost rather sit this season out and rent the whole damn thing at once.

Watching Lost is like taking Viagra… a lot of it… then just standing there, waiting for something to happen.

Anyway… we can all discuss this again next year when 20 more people are introduced into the story and have side stories that take up at least 12 of the seasons episodes with horse-fuck.