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Loading ...In a small village Nachu in Kenya, there is a group of 300 or so vervet monkeys (Cercopithecus aethiops) that have been stealing crops from the town so successfully that the people in the town are now only able to survive and exist on famine relief. These are the goddamn monkeys you see from people’s vacation videos getting insanely aggressive tearing peanuts and food out of people’s hands and running off. I want to sledge-hammer them in the back.
The monkeys, while afraid of the men in the town, are not afraid of the women. They point at the women’s breasts and seem to laugh and in more than a few occasions they have grabbed the women’s breasts and made sexually explicit gestures at the women while robbing them of their food.
Also the monkeys have learned to work together to post lookouts while robbing the residents, to alert the others when humans are near.
In a true move of retardation, it’s aparently against the law to harm the monkeys, so for the folks in the group asking why we just don’t shoot them in the mouths… it’s because aparently letting the village die and live off of famine relief is cheaper… or more retarded. I can’t figure out which.
And this is why I hate goddamn monkeys…
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August 26th, 2007 at 8:57 am
I a monkey tried to steal my food I would punch it in the face. Then it would tell all its monkey friends and they would fear me.
August 26th, 2007 at 9:06 am
I couldn’t agree more. When ever I’m watching America’s funniest videos, and they show some segment of a monkey stealing something from someone I immediately stop laughing, and just want to hit it with a bat.
There was a Dirty Jobs episode with crazy monkeys in Africa too… they kept attacking the crew, required stitches on the head and leg… all I wanted to do was push a shotgun out the grates on the window covered in bananas and make it come over to get them…
November 22nd, 2008 at 11:33 am
Vervet Monkkeys are “Old World Primates” that have been around far longer than humans. What do you expect if you destroy an animals natural habitat and grow food there? The only reason these monkeys are not afraid of people is because people keep feeding them so they learn to trust us. And of course it’s illegal to harm them, they’re and endangered species you fucking moron!
November 22nd, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Ian,
Well said! Fuck whoever wrote this story! They should have looked up if that monkey was endangered or not, RETARDS!