The “Break it Down” Blog

In a small village Nachu in Kenya, there is a group of 300 or so vervet monkeys (Cercopithecus aethiops) that have been stealing crops from the town so successfully that the people in the town are now only able to survive and exist on famine relief. These are the goddamn monkeys you see from people’s vacation videos getting insanely aggressive tearing peanuts and food out of people’s hands and running off. I want to sledge-hammer them in the back.

The monkeys, while afraid of the men in the town, are not afraid of the women. They point at the women’s breasts and seem to laugh and in more than a few occasions they have grabbed the women’s breasts and made sexually explicit gestures at the women while robbing them of their food.

Also the monkeys have learned to work together to post lookouts while robbing the residents, to alert the others when humans are near.

In a true move of retardation, it’s aparently against the law to harm the monkeys, so for the folks in the group asking why we just don’t shoot them in the mouths… it’s because aparently letting the village die and live off of famine relief is cheaper… or more retarded. I can’t figure out which.

And this is why I hate goddamn monkeys…